It's weird.

I have like 100 billion things on my mind right now. It's hard to choose just one subject to write about. But for now, here's my topic of choice: I feel like I'm kind of in a weird stage in life right now. Seriously. Joel and I have been married for almost 3 years now, and many married couples move towards starting a family around this time (if it hasn't happened accidentally by now). But Joel and I are not quite ready for that yet, for a couple of reasons 1.) because we have some major transitions coming and 2.) Our health insurance will not cover pregnancy for 9 more months (we are in the process of changing to Assurant Health insurance). So no babies right now. I'm totally fine with that...but still, I'm feeling a little awkward in life right now...almost like I'm at loss for a direction....sort of.

For example, I recently come to dread the question, "So what are you doing in life right now?" or "What do you want to do with your life?" I cringe internally when I get asked these questions. Why? Because in a lot of ways, I feel like I've accomplished many of my career goals that I set out to originally accomplish, and I've learned a thing or two along the way of what I do and don't want to do. I've worked as a Worship Pastor and/or Worship Leader at my church for nearly 5 years. I love it, but I'm not sure I want to do it as a full time position. However, I DO know that I want to continue my involvement in this area, but perhaps by contributing by writing music. I've also learned that I DO NOT really enjoy teaching in a school setting. I've also worked as a teacher for about 3 years. Teaching is not really my thing, UNLESS it's one on one teaching, as in teaching private lessons. I DO enjoy teaching private music lessons. I enjoy it a lot. I've also learned that I DO NOT like working for someone else. I do not like having a boss dictate my schedule. I prefer to dictate my own. I hate having to ask for time off, and when Joel and I were working as the youth pastors, I was constantly having to ask for time off. And this leads me to another reason why I hate the question I posed initially. My answer used to always consist of being involved with the teenagers. They always kept us busy. And I miss them. I guess I hate the initial question so much because I'm not sure WHAT I'm doing anymore. Everything that I initially set out to do, I have accomplished....so now I'm at the point in my life where once again, the question is posed, "What do I want to do with my life?" And I'm not sure I have the answer. I'm still figuring it out, but one thing I know for certain, and that is that I must be involved in music, and I think that may be teaching music lessons, and writing music. But I'm still not sure. In a way it's hard to really move forward, because I feel stuck in a small town with very limited options career wise.

So to the question, "What are you doing with your life right now?" here is my answer, "I work from home. I teach private music lessons. I write music. I work on music." But somehow my answer doesn't usually seem to get the response of approval that I hope for. I feel like my response is too "unrealistic" for them. And for the question, "What do you want to do want to do with your life?" I would have to say my response has less to do with career goals, and more with experience goals...like I want to travel to Thailand....I want to go backpacking in other countries....I want to go hand gliding. So perhaps my choice in career would be one that would allow me to do such things. I want a career that would allow me to travel. Yes, that does sound unrealistic.